Where Everybody Knows You're Numb

Anonymous wrote:

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OK so, i had little expectations on my box and, I way over seeded lol. Tiny green dots the entire box. I'm going to let them go and, then have me some of those way over priced micro greens those fancy restaurants sell.

ive got the green dot in da boxes thing going on too. only problem is the popsicle sticks that were labeling said boxes are now on the floor next to the box. why? must be gremlins or cats i guess. ive got to get them a bit bigger to see what they are so i know where to plant them!

 

 

And, I wonder why that is? It's way easier than letting a plant go full term. And, constant germination can happen in any weather and, climate.  The two bell pepper plants never wilted and, besides them, the only other starter plant is a merrigold. The square foot garden is beyond my expectations. I'm going to build another one this weekend. I scattered some sunflower seeds and, in another area took the time to plant them. All are sprouting:) Life is good for sure:) OH and, The tomato that could definitely can: Gator

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 i think next, as opposed to first, relationships fail because we dont ask ourselves what our own role in either the failure of the last or the success in the next should be. asking those questions, like what did i do wrong?

 

most people focus on the other or the relationship and not on their own role in its demise. lots of rationalization happens and that doesnt lead to growth. life lessons, we all get them whether we want them or not!  

i have been doing this.....reflecting on my role in the ending of my relationships...both those i ended and those i didnt.  i have come up with so far two things in common:    

with those that i really didnt care about so much....like, they are fun to date and hang out with, or just an awesome sex thing.....where i know for a fact that there is no future in it....i am much more myself....i am feel free to be me, and i dont really care if they like it or not...  with these women, for some reason they think there is much more to the situation than there is, even when i tell them repeatedly that we are just friends or that we are both free to date who we want.  they say they are totally cool with it and its all fine with them...until, i meet someone that i want to see if there is more with and end it with them.....then i get the "i thought we were building a future together.....i thought you loved me"....umm, did i ever say that?? nope. i have very rarely told anyone i loved them, just two to be exact, so when i say i really mean it.......

.....then i have found that those i really, really, care about, love and start to contemplate a future with (tho only 2 so far...)....i become a bit more reserved, insecure, worried i will do the wrong thing and they will leave.....and then of course they do....lol.  i have learned from it tho....and the second try at #2, i was very proud of myself for being more confident and fearless....  :)  with my most recent, i was so good at being myself and confident and speaking up....but alas, that one was one of the serial relationship dancers you all were speaking of.....kinda funny, cause i didnt know, and then people that knew both of us, contacted me and said, sorry, but she did the same thing to me, and, that is just how she is, bouncing from one relationship to another...didnt you know that?  umm, nope!  lol!  and in all honesty, if i would have been told her history, i probably would have, ha! who am i kidding, i know i would have been of the thought, well, it will be different with me....oh well.....at least it was only a 5 month thing and was a lot of fun while it lasted..... 

point is, i have learned...not by blaming the others....and not by blaming myself...but by looking at myself.......

nesea wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

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Nightowlhoot3 wrote:

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Psych Lit wrote:

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Nightowlhoot3 wrote:

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I think that first love is the reason I have failed on alll the rest. Gator

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Or you could just say ... Everyone must lose at least once before she can understand what it is to win. You're now ready for the win. 

 

 

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IN spite of my whine, I do feel like a winner having had the experience. And, as well with some not so notable others . lol I will be happy to just finish in any place next time around. My track record only leaves me placing in the top 5. Gator

 

Anonymous wrote:

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A heck of a lot better than it coming up within the relationship. Some of my best romps since have been with women that use to be with men. But, like I said nothing lasting. I even turned a few out. lol But, I am also glad it was me that she was with when it came up. I was better than most would have been about it. I did punch him one night when she felt a strong need to bring him over and introduce him to me.:( I really have to stop living the blueprint before I miss out altogether.

Not decked the guy when he suggested a three way or to watch us when he knew I was missing her terribly.

that seems forgivable i mean dont make a habit of it but given the circumstances not that out of line;)

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I have and always will be a lesbian. I just did not like the circles that are too close for me. And, have not been big on groups since. Even watching another couple split tears me up because, in those circles one of them always end up without the friends. That wasn't my case but, I was chased by some of our best friends and, that added to my disgust. Nothing is scared. Everything a forethought. I have plenty starts since then and, now looking ack it looks as though I have been around the world twice. And, now so careful if I ever find her that it probally won't happen. lol Thanks for your thoughts. It bothered me enough to take a me day. And, the blame is always me when I reflect what happened. Gator

 

take what was right and leave behind what went wrong. i think there is a lot of drama that happens in the 20s and maybe even into the early 30s but usually people grow up and a lot of those gamey things stop. at least id hope so. one of the things ive learned on my journey has been to understand my patterns of attraction and how that figures into the endings of my relationships. stepping away from those women who do the change partner and go off with someone elses partner dance every few months seems like a good choice on your part.  there are women who dont do these things, lesbians who lead drama free lives! really there are. i know, i know, hard to believe but ive heard its true. lol. im joking but figger out what doesnt work for you and avoid women who have those aspects of personality that cause you grief. doesnt mean theres anything wrong with them, some people like that sort of thing. cant imagine why but they do!   my thinking is that the people who dont have the drama issues get snapped up pretty quickly and are out of circulation or are so not going there again and taking themselves out  meanwhile the drama mamas burn thru relationships at the speed of light and are consequently flooding the dating pool over and over.  and then there is this. i think when we are finally ready for the right relationship we actually go and seek it out till then repeating the patterns seems to be the way of the world.

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BTW the dog who allows me to share this house with him LOVES this song! He comes galloping in when I play it, and sits with his eyes glistening, his tongue hanging happily out, and his tail POUNDING the carpeting. It's really pretty funny. :)

Anonymous wrote:

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That gave me an incredible warm fuzzy. It's raining hard and, I am going down for that nap in this bliss the song gave me. Thanks for the reminder of that great song Owl. <Gator


You're soooooooooooooooo much more than welcome!

When it comes to music about the earth, IMO you might as well go right to "the guy" Pete Seeger. And hey, did you notice that was Arlo singing backup?

Actually, I was thankful for it myself ... thankful for that part of me way in the back there, which holds memories like this song, and summons them up at unexpected times, and lightens my step a little ... or maybe it was the lightened step which invoked the song. Hmmm. LOL

At any rate, we're at 98 degrees today, some are forecasting our first 100 degrees tomorrow, and my experience has been once that first 100 degrees of the year has been hit, it rarely drops below that, and only fleetingly on those occasions. It was 76 degrees when I awoke today, so I ... hmmm ... well, "making hay while the sun shines" doesn't seem exactly right for this situation, but you understand, I'm sure. :)


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 oh.............I went to replace the tomato plant and it is trying to stand so, I'm going to give it another day. <Gator


YAY!!! I'm rootin' for it! Let's name it "The Little Tomato Plant That Could." I sort of wince, with that, and REALLY want to change the "That" to "Who" but I'll stay true to the original. LOL.

"I THINK I can... I THINK I can ... I THINK I can ..."

 Maybe your Little Tomato Plant Who Could is just of the "cultured" <nudge nudge> variety. ;)

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not scared................I meant sacred..............now back to the garden. I'm now hoping she will not take the invite and, bring her Mother over to visit. lol Gator

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Just because ... I found myself unexpectedly singing this earlier today, as I was willing continued life into the wilted but still green transplants ... and because I unabashedly think it's just a cool song, so THERE. LOL.

This one goes out to all of us, but especially you, Gator -- metaphor intended...




PS: Although I'm a HUGE fan of Peter, Paul & Mary, I actually prefer the John Denver version of this tune, but ... the only YOU TUBE version was with him singing with the Muppets, and I didn't want to push my luck any more than I may have already. LOL

-- Edited by Nightowlhoot3 on Monday 20th of April 2009 11:42:22 AM

Psych Lit wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

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wow more beds:) You do not want my industry. I was a mad woman with multiple projects and tools strewn all over the yard...... I was grocery shooping Friday night and, was in the dry good organic section and, right by it the pharmacy wall with rows of slim fast.  My first love ever's partner was there buying slim fast. I spoke and, she called around the corner to -----.

ayup, if youre gonna go the sublimation route its always good to channel it into something thats edible:)

 

 

I love her that much. Now to get back to that happy place single people go. I think that first love is the reason I have failed on alll the rest. Gator

first love is a blueprint perhaps. we choose love at a time when our hearts are fully open to possibility in a way that they will never be again. and because they are fully open we will never again be as hurt as when first love ends and the scarification is dreadful. maybe ends isnt the right word. i think we all carrry first love within us like a baptism. its not visible to onlookers but we know that we carry it.  i disagree with the last part of the above tho. we can only be responsible for the half of the relationship that we carry. your intentions were good, allowing someone to experience something they claimed to want to experience, but there are few saints walking among us and asking that of yourself was perhaps asking too much. i know that i couldnt be that generous.  nothing to beat yourself up over but nothing that would lead to a healthy resumption of that relationship either. i wonder tho how you would feel if shed done the experimentation before youd met her?

A heck of a lot better than it coming up within the relationship. Some of my best romps since have been with women that use to be with men. But, like I said nothing lasting. I even turned a few out. lol But, I am also glad it was me that she was with when it came up. I was better than most would have been about it. I did punch him one night when she felt a strong need to bring him over and introduce him to me.:( I really have to stop living the blueprint before I miss out altogether.

what do you suppose the difference is?

A strong monogamous compass that overcame my reason.

still in this loss, also a first for you, a lesson learned about you to take into other relationships. i think next, as opposed to first, relationships fail because we dont ask ourselves what our own role in either the failure of the last or the success in the next should be. asking those questions, like what did i do wrong?

Yea this overwhelms me a lot.

how might i have done it differently?

Not decked the guy when he suggested a three way or to watch us when he knew I was missing her terribly.

most people focus on the other or the relationship and not on their own role in its demise. lots of rationalization happens and that doesnt lead to growth. life lessons, we all get them whether we want them or not!  im hoping that you jumped back on the lesbian world and didnt let one or two bad experiences warn you off. there is love enough for everyone in the world if we open ourselves up to both give and receive it.

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I have and always will be a lesbian. I just did not like the circles that are too close for me. And, have not been big on groups since. Even watching another couple split tears me up because, in those circles one of them always end up without the friends. That wasn't my case but, I was chased by some of our best friends and, that added to my disgust. Nothing is scared. Everything a forethought. I have plenty starts since then and, now looking ack it looks as though I have been around the world twice. And, now so careful if I ever find her that it probally won't happen. lol Thanks for your thoughts. It bothered me enough to take a me day. And, the blame is always me when I reflect what happened. Gator

 

 

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OK TMI LOL I get a lot accomplished when I am upset or on a deadline. LOL Carry on;) Gator

Psych Lit wrote:

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Nightowlhoot3 wrote:

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So, Gator, now, YOU'VE inspired ME! Your industry, that is.

Got my handy trowel, and went out to the flower bed to give my onions a little more breathing room (and to better distribute the flowers.)

BEFORE:

looks great where did you score the big pots?

Oh, had 'em around ... :) The GREAT big one is the one I planted the tree in.  

Nothing left to do now, but wait until tomorrow, to see how many are still alive. Cross your fingers for me, hey?

fingers and toes!

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 Thankee.

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So, Gator, now, YOU'VE inspired ME! Your industry, that is.

Got my handy trowel, and went out to the flower bed to give my onions a little more breathing room (and to better distribute the flowers.)

BEFORE:

 

And AFTER:



REALLY was more work than it looks like -- had to dig 'em up very carefully, so as to not injure the roots any more than absolutely necessary, and then create spaces for them. Took out a bunch and stuck 'em... basically where ever I could find soil. LOL





Nothing left to do now, but wait until tomorrow, to see how many are still alive. Cross your fingers for me, hey?

Your bed is coming along. I finished my box (4X4) and, did a string grid. I'm going to plant it tomorrow. I planted two tomato plants in my earth box and one of the two died. LOL Off to a bad start. Next year I am raising my boxes. My back is sore.
Earth friendly insecticide and fungicide:
5 tablespoons veg. oil
1 tablespoon baking soda
4 tablespoons liquid dish soap (use dr bronner's it's organic)
mix in one gallon of water and spray where needed. Gator

Nightowlhoot3 wrote:

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It's gonna be in the 90's starting like ... tomorrow. Because we ARE such an arid zone (get it? Arid zona? ) water is, in the summer, my highest utility, and those root veggies require a lot, don't they?

ha ha ha funny;O With the box beds, I read that you should water with sun warm water, a cup at a time, per plant each day. And, if a plant shows wilt by the next day, you water those a little more. Lining the box beds with weed cloth or newspaper as opposed to weeding out the ground saves time and also provides additional mulch and moisture retention. Your normal soil would require more water but, the mix suggested with square foot gardens tends to retain moisture as well. We shall see. I am back with the wood and, about to loose myself in my yard. Have a great weekend ! I'm not sure I could post a picture for you from out here and, the never used digital camera needs a battery but, after a wood project I usually get darn proud enough of it to want to show it off. LOL Gator

Nightowlhoot3 wrote:

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btw .. I MIGHT just have to snip off that one onion top flopped over to the right in the top of the photo here, and chop it up and use it as a hillbilly scallion in a salad tomorrow. ;)

Time to get out there and do some thinning/transplanting, I'm thinkin'. Gonna be in the high 90's by tomorrow, so time's a wastin'.

Am SOOOOOOO tempted to pull some of the soil away from one of th onions to see how big the bulb is, but so far have resisted

 

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wow those grew fast! now get some lettuce and tomatoes going and youll have the full salad before ya know it! its looking good. i think veggies make an attractive garden. my raspberry bushes are leafing up nicely i put a bird fence around them so hopefully that will actually mean ill get some berries this year! i transplanted some of the strawberries and covered them as well. well see what happens i guess. meanwhile the flowers are starting to pop up well they arent flowers yet but the shoots are a good 4 or 5 inches high so im assuming that in a couple of weeks theyll be in full bloom. tonight was just a spectacular evening. warm and breezy perfect for walking. the days and nights like this are rare. prolly 20 in the span of april to oct. i couldnt bring myself inside until the temps dropped into the 40s. ive been missing the warmth.

 

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Anonymous wrote:

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Nightowlhoot3 wrote:

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Nightowlhoot3 wrote:

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I'm contemplating putting in a very small veggie garden patch... probably WAY too late, 

Not too late if you put in root crops. The best this weekend being parsnips (which has the second highest food source to the potatoes), radishes & Turnips.

TURNIPS: Like one of THREE foods I hate. LOL. (I think Parsnips might be one of the other two, with okra pulling up the rear.) 

It's gonna be in the 90's starting like ... tomorrow. Because we ARE such an arid zone (get it? Arid zona? ) water is, in the summer, my highest utility, and those root veggies require a lot, don't they? That said, I'm SORT of considering some summer squash -- I love it, could start if from seed right now, and have some good veggies in a couple of months, and it does really well here in Ag Zone 9,  but it's pretty iffy, at this point. Apparently, my plumber is "finished" here, so that means I get to dedicate my time to things like ... uhhh ... rebuilding walls that are missing, and finding and installing a bathroom sink. Just "minor" stuff, yanno.  :) 

 Take your time and next month some leafy greens would do well. First thing in the am I am going to the lumber yard and get either cedar (Lowes also has a sale) or Cyprus and make some planting beds.

COOL! I'd LOVE to see the finished project! What are you going to plant?

I have some 5 gallon buckets that I am going to hang tomatoes upside down in.


Yum! 'Maters are like ... my favorite food, but I've NEVER been successful at growing them.

I've been busy as all heck with work but, ever since your pictures here I have been eying the back yard and, tomorrow is the day. Your bed has grown fast. That is a good dog you have there. If I missed where you mentioned sorry but, what is the ground cover looking plants in your bed? Gator

Hmmm. Hard to say. I dumped like three packets of seeds in the bed -- one was a wilflower mix, one was of California poppies, and I can't remember what the other was, except that it produces big purple flowers.
What you're seeing there is a combination of all that. I THINK the California poppies are taking over the bed -- it's been a few years since I've grown them, and I'm having trouble remembering what they look like when they first start coming up, but they are hearty out here,  so that might be what you're looking at, if you mean the spindly sort of things. I'll try to get some closer photos tomorrow.

  

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Nightowlhoot3 wrote:

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I'm contemplating putting in a very small veggie garden patch... probably WAY too late, but I was looking at an area of the lawn today which might just work for it, if I get the gumption to dig it up, and put in the borders and junk. I just threw down some lumber to make an outline in my head ... will probably have to move it in about two paws further from the fence  He's such a good boy ... he REALLY DOES try to learn about areas where he can and can't go ...

 

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UPDATE: 

Didn't put in the veggie patch, but wanted to show you the difference in the above pic (taken March 24)

(Please excuse my shadow)

 Time to get out there and do some thinning/transplanting, I'm thinkin'. Gonna be in the high 90's by tomorrow, so time's a wastin'.

Am SOOOOOOO tempted to pull some of the soil away from one of th onions to see how big the bulb is, but so far have resisted

Anonymous wrote:

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Psych Lit wrote:

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thanks for the list! some of these are difficult to grown organically. apples, pears, peaches and plums for instance. any info on how to make these crops grow without these chemical aids?

 

Buy a scab resistant variety. Keep mulch away from the base of the tree. When planting, remove the old soil and replace with a good organic one mixed with peat. Keep dandelions out of the area. Good weed control in general.  Keep fallen fruit picked up. Bury deep or process imediately. Good prunning and, if canker is present cut below it and burn the trimmings imediately. Sucker when needed and keep water spouts removed. Repair and close any wounds on the tree. All I can think of without pulling out a bible on the subject . ; OH..........Encourage woodpeckers into the area and, remember wasp are our friends.

 

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ok, i get most of this. what is sucker tho? ive got a maple tree in the front and ive just come from lowes garden center. im thinking of replanting that over by the woods and planting some plum or cherry trees in its place.  im all about edible gardening this year. i dont know if i can do anything about attracting woodpeckers to the yard but wasps are never in short supply. at least in spring and fall. they do get in the way of cookouts tho. they seem to really enjoy a good burger.

Anonymous wrote:

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Well no one asked for the list but, I'm posting it anyway. Healthy summer bounty ladies. Gator

thanks for the list! some of these are difficult to grown organically. apples, pears, peaches and plums for instance. any info on how to make these crops grow without these chemical aids?

 

Preferably Organic Most Commonly Contaminated	If Budget Allows, Buy Organic	Its Your Call Least Commonly Contaminated
Apples Carrots Celery Cherries Grapes (imported) Kale Lettuce Nectarines Peaches Pears Sweet bell peppers Strawberries	Bananas Broccoli Cantaloupe Cauliflower Collard greens Cranberries Cucumbers Grapefruit Grapes (domestic) Green beans Honeydew Mushrooms Oranges Peppers Plums Raspberries Summer squash Sweet potatoes Tangerines Tomatoes Winter squash	Asparagus Avocado Cabbage Eggplant Kiwi Mango Onions Papaya Pineapple Sweet corn (frozen) Sweet peas (frozen) Watermelon
Source: Environmental Working Group. Go to foodnews.org for updates.

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Psych Lit wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

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da da. da. da da.....................da da ................Fresh Air:) Gator

times square! wheres arnold?

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He is watching his favoriate soap opera "Love is Never a Stranger". Gator

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Psych Lit wrote:

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Nightowlhoot3 wrote:

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UPDATE: MARCH 25:

Jumpin Jehosaphat! I'm going to have to do some thinning before long! :)

they have doubled!

 

 

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da da. da. da da.....................da da ................Fresh Air:) Gator

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Nightowlhoot3 wrote:

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UPDATE: MARCH 25:

Jumpin Jehosaphat! I'm going to have to do some thinning before long! :)

they have doubled!

 

 

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I'm contemplating putting in a very small veggie garden patch... probably WAY too late, but I was looking at an area of the lawn today which might just work for it, if I get the gumption to dig it up, and put in the borders and junk. I just threw down some lumber to make an outline in my head ... will probably have to move it in about two paws further from the fence  He's such a good boy ... he REALLY DOES try to learn about areas where he can and can't go ...

 

Please disregard the pile of tiles in the top of the picture ... they're waiting to be planted there.

That would pretty much finish off that side of the back yard, if I did, but oy, that's a lot of digging ...

I'm considering using my old sawed off chain link posts for the surround, but we'll see...


Anyway, I was noticing that all of a sudden I'm getting WAY more birds in my back yard than to which I'm accustomed. I know, Psych, you are looking at netting to keep the birds out of your strawberries ... so anyway, I was thinking that maybe birds would PREFER THEIR food over ours if it were available, so I'm thinking about maybe planting a little patch on the OTHER side of the yard for them -- might even try to plant some birdseed and see what becomes of it. Makes sense, no?

-- Edited by Nightowlhoot3 on Wednesday 25th of March 2009 12:10:44 PM

Psych Lit wrote:

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oh! other gardening news. there was a big 50% off sale on seeds at the local feed and seed store.  i picked up some cilantro seeds.  i wasnt sure how to go about growing the stuff and there it was. picked up some other seeds too, hot peppers, pumpkin, winter squash. and some unusual flower seeds. i usually dont have a lot of luck with seeds but ive got everything ready to start them indoors so that will be one of tomorrows day off projects and hopefully they will root and become seedlings.

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Startin a regular grow house huh?  Cilantros just a gateway seed, you'll see. First you grow a little spice and chilis, next it's the big time and you're chugging the diet cokes and gettin naked in your kitchen. I love Weeds, I think it's one of the best written cable shows out there. The whole grow house, Agrestic, the women, medical marijuana...And that whole Nancy and Celia "tension" just has to come to fruition. It has to. I know these things. I have incredible patience with sexual tension. 

WEEDS Nancy Botwin flips out


Weeds: You Can't Be A Lesbian

How's that for a thread drift? ;)

Nightowlhoot3 wrote:

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This gives you a little perspective, size-wise (with the new sprout in between the two onions, which, btw, are "greening up" nicely):

I'm REALLY hoping they're not weeds. LOL. Can't help but wonder what they are ...
Is that one of the really BIG flowers, or one of the small ones? Is it going to be purple, or golden? I feel somewhat like a kid shaking a present under the tree a week before Christmas. It's the PROCESS, you know?? I mean, yeah, I absolutely love my bright cheery flowers, but no more, really, than when they're in THIS stage, although for different reasons.

<cheap date>

 

 

I see them! they look like flowers to me! not weeds. and your soil looks surprisingly moist? im thinking they should take off and grow.

I had today off from work and spent the day on the chore list most of which were outside winter clean up projects. i noticed that the azalea was budding as were the rose bushes.  It surprised me, the buds were substantial and i wondered when that happened and why i hadnt noticed. I  raked the yard too and tilled some of the bare spots adding grass seed and noticed the bright green shoots of grass poking thru the layer of winter dirt and rotted leaves. maybe thats part of why watching this process is such a joy, it takes us to ground level hands in dirt. a first level experience something all too rare these days.

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