Where Everybody Knows You're Numb

My Turn · Senior Member

RE: 7 signs..

BoxDog · Guru

Nightowlhoot3 wrote:

My Turn wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Unless you've cleaned a hoard or dealt with a parent or family member who is a compulsive hoarder, you don't know.

MyTurn, do yourself a favor and follow this link. And no, you can't bring your mother into your home to live, under any circumstances, unless you want to live in a hoard, which you don't.

Children of Compulsive Hoarders

Best of luck to you. You're not alone.

thanks box..i will check out the link as soon as i can.....been a crazy busy weekend.....much appreciated that you thought of me!

Just a note: Not all "anonymous" posters are necessarily BD.
This is an open board, where anyone may post anonymously, if they so wish.

Hmm, yep. Wasn't me. Neither a one-liner or dissertation. Clearly not my contribution. I rarely, if ever, recommend a read that's even titled suggesting that an adult go backward to maintain, regress or evolve. The day we "become" adults is the day we act of our own accord and accept responsibility for our own actions. We aren't our parents. We are a part of them. Same thing with siblings. All family. And really, I would decorate my parents house full of shyt stacked collectibles, junk and periodicals myself if it guaranteed they lived up until my own last breath. ;)

Nightowlhoot3 · Guru

My Turn wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Unless you've cleaned a hoard or dealt with a parent or family member who is a compulsive hoarder, you don't know.

MyTurn, do yourself a favor and follow this link. And no, you can't bring your mother into your home to live, under any circumstances, unless you want to live in a hoard, which you don't.

Children of Compulsive Hoarders

Best of luck to you. You're not alone.

thanks box..i will check out the link as soon as i can.....been a crazy busy weekend.....much appreciated that you thought of me!

Just a note: Not all "anonymous" posters are necessarily BD. smile

This is an open board, where anyone may post anonymously, if they so wish.

My Turn · Senior Member

Nightowlhoot3 wrote:

See, I guess it's the "not under any circumstance" that gets to me when we're talking about the woman who changed our diapers, dressed us for kindergarten, cared for us, when we were ill, and contributed largely to our eventually being in a place where we can have homes.

"Not under any circumstance" covers a lot of territory.

Living under the same roof with your mother may not be ideal, or desired, even, but sometimes... well, I just know for me, I'd have a really hard time not allowing my Mom into my home, unless she was a homicidal maniac, or something ... which she might be, next week, for all I know, but she isn't this week, and whatever unpleasantries I have to endure because of her (and believe me, there are plenty -- Like Bette Davis said: "Old age ain't for sissies") just have to be either endured, or hopefully made better. And yeah, if possible, occasional escapes help.

That said, you can make rules for your own home, and maintain them, if they're spelled out before your Mom moves in, when it comes to "clear spaces" and hoarding.

-- Edited by Nightowlhoot3 at 14:43, 2009-02-08

i know, night, that you were writing simply based on the "hoarding" aspect of what i wrote. however, i can assure you that there is more to that story which i wont go into here, or at least not right now.....suffice it to say that my childhood was not the best and the things you wrote above about changing diapers, dressing us, caring for us, doing whatever when we were ill.......was not the scenario of my childhood....it was a long bad dark 16 years of my life....once i left at 16, i never went back...ever. completing high school, getting my own apt. and roommate, buying my first car, getting a job after graduation, etc...everything was on my own. they have never really cared at best and were evil and abusive at worst, and whatever i have and have accomplished was done on my own. period. i am quite proud of what i have made of my life despite the horrendous first 16 years.

so yes, i am very aware of what i am saying when i say that she will NEVER live in my house and that never is a very long time. it is more than the hoarding issue.

My Turn · Senior Member

Anonymous wrote:

Unless you've cleaned a hoard or dealt with a parent or family member who is a compulsive hoarder, you don't know.

MyTurn, do yourself a favor and follow this link. And no, you can't bring your mother into your home to live, under any circumstances, unless you want to live in a hoard, which you don't.

Children of Compulsive Hoarders

Best of luck to you. You're not alone.

thanks box..i will check out the link as soon as i can.....been a crazy busy weekend.....much appreciated that you thought of me!

Nightowlhoot3 · Guru

Anonymous wrote:

Unless you've cleaned a hoard or dealt with a parent or family member who is a compulsive hoarder, you don't know.

MyTurn, do yourself a favor and follow this link. And no, you can't bring your mother into your home to live, under any circumstances, unless you want to live in a hoard, which you don't.

Children of Compulsive Hoarders

Best of luck to you. You're not alone.

See, I guess it's the "not under any circumstance" that gets to me when we're talking about the woman who changed our diapers, dressed us for kindergarten, cared for us, when we were ill, and contributed largely to our eventually being in a place where we can have homes.

"Not under any circumstance" covers a lot of territory.

Living under the same roof with your mother may not be ideal, or desired, even, but sometimes... well, I just know for me, I'd have a really hard time not allowing my Mom into my home, unless she was a homicidal maniac, or something ... which she might be, next week, for all I know, but she isn't this week, and whatever unpleasantries I have to endure because of her (and believe me, there are plenty -- Like Bette Davis said: "Old age ain't for sissies") just have to be either endured, or hopefully made better. And yeah, if possible, occasional escapes help.

That said, you can make rules for your own home, and maintain them, if they're spelled out before your Mom moves in, when it comes to "clear spaces" and hoarding.

-- Edited by Nightowlhoot3 at 14:43, 2009-02-08

Date: Sun Feb 8 11:49 AM, 2009

Unless you've cleaned a hoard or dealt with a parent or family member who is a compulsive hoarder, you don't know.

MyTurn, do yourself a favor and follow this link. And no, you can't bring your mother into your home to live, under any circumstances, unless you want to live in a hoard, which you don't.

Children of Compulsive Hoarders

Best of luck to you. You're not alone.

Psych Lit · Guru

My Turn wrote:

i guess perhaps...in the weird unhealthy co-dependant way.....wouldnt know it to see them interact....she is constantly criticizing him and belittling him. oh well, he allows it, so maybe it feeds something within him also....both the way she behaves around him and her pack rat MO, is probably from her insecurities and major psychological issues....i think that makes her very controlling and hyper critical of anyone and everyone.
people who hoard often have a tendency toward perfectionism which can also make someone appear to be controlling or hyper critical. once hoarding has gotten to the point that youre describing it can be very difficult to change. people who do this are embarrassed by the condition of their living areas and dont want others in and often are too overwhelmed by the task to do it themselves especially in light of the perfectionism aspects. its hard to do something half way if it wont be perfect, better to do nothing than try and have it not be right. it is a serious problem for elderly folks tho because its a fire hazard, it isolates people, it leads to falls and broken bones and it keeps home health workers out of the home.

...i much prefer to interact with insecure, "needy" people...at least they are much more appreciative when you do things for them and they allow you to do things for them...whereas the insecure, "controlling," standoff-ish people wont allow you to do things for them and when you do what they "say" (either implied or overtly) they want you to do, you are then, in the end, crucified for doing or acting exactly what they wanted you to do or how they wanted or needed you to act.
"helping" is an often difficult task. one can assume safety with the golden rule, do unto others...the problem that we can run into is that others may not feel as we do. we can see someone in obvious need of assistance and we think of what we would want done but, helping, in the truest sense is not about what we want or need but what the other person wants or needs and often those two places do not meet.
there are also other issues that go on with helping a sense of obligation that carries on after the help has been given. that changes the relationship as does the power shift when one accepts help from another. thats not easy for some people. sometimes helping is asking what do you need for me to do? and accepting whatever the answer is.
think about your own style of asking or accepting help. does it come easy for you or is it somewhat difficult?
think about your style of helping others. does it lean toward doing what is asked or doing what you think needs to be done?
i know for me personally i have a very easy time with being asked to help and a very difficult time with asking for help. someone once told me that i so rarely ask anything of anyone that when i do it becomes a loaded gun. one feels that they cannot refuse because its so rare to be asked and that becomes a demand rather then help.
i know that ive spent most of my life in a collaborative work environment where suggestions are thrown out right and left when a problem emerges. some people are ok with that and some people only want to be listened to. when i have a problem i like people making suggestions. people often come up with things id never thought of or they confirm something im leaning toward and in a do unto others world this would be cool but for some listening is key. learning to sit in witness is perhaps one of the hardest skills we can learn but it can be an important one. it reaffirms for the one seeking help that we believe in their ability to handle the crisis and to ask for what they need when they need it while allowing them to process out loud
whatever....its her problem and his...however, there will never be a time when i would or will allow her to live here, no matter her circumstances....i think women who have a close, loving relationship with their moms are extremely lucky....and i have been fortunate to have a few "adopted," moms that i really enjoy.

im of two minds on this. on the one hand i want to say that the effort given now will ease the loss later and even people who have conflicted relationships with mothers feel that loss even if its the loss of the opportunity to make the relationship healthy. on the other hand i want to say when people are too toxic to be around cut the strings no matter who they are.

BoxDog · Guru

My Turn wrote:

Nightowlhoot3 wrote:

Maybe he loves her.

i guess perhaps...in the weird unhealthy co-dependant way.....wouldnt know it to see them interact....she is constantly criticizing him and belittling him. oh well, he allows it, so maybe it feeds something within him also....both the way she behaves around him and her pack rat MO, is probably from her insecurities and major psychological issues....i think that makes her very controlling and hyper critical of anyone and everyone....i much prefer to interact with insecure, "needy" people...at least they are much more appreciative when you do things for them and they allow you to do things for them...whereas the insecure, "controlling," standoff-ish people wont allow you to do things for them and when you do what they "say" (either implied or overtly) they want you to do, you are then, in the end, crucified for doing or acting exactly what they wanted you to do or how they wanted or needed you to act.

whatever....its her problem and his...however, there will never be a time when i would or will allow her to live here, no matter her circumstances....i think women who have a close, loving relationship with their moms are extremely lucky....and i have been fortunate to have a few "adopted," moms that i really enjoy.

Yikes. "blasted".

Ciao!

Nightowlhoot3 · Guru

My Turn wrote:

Nightowlhoot3 wrote:

Maybe he loves her.

i guess perhaps...in the weird unhealthy co-dependant way.....wouldnt know it to see them interact....she is constantly criticizing him and belittling him. oh well, he allows it, so maybe it feeds something within him also....both the way she behaves around him and her pack rat MO, is probably from her insecurities and major psychological issues....i think that makes her very controlling and hyper critical of anyone and everyone....i much prefer to interact with insecure, "needy" people...at least they are much more appreciative when you do things for them and they allow you to do things for them...whereas the insecure, "controlling," standoff-ish people wont allow you to do things for them and when you do what they "say" (either implied or overtly) they want you to do, you are then, in the end, crucified for doing or acting exactly what they wanted you to do or how they wanted or needed you to act.

whatever....its her problem and his...however, there will never be a time when i would or will allow her to live here, no matter her circumstances....i think women who have a close, loving relationship with their moms are extremely lucky....and i have been fortunate to have a few "adopted," moms that i really enjoy.

Well? Not all of us can say that about our mothers, I guess.

My Turn · Senior Member

Nightowlhoot3 wrote:

Maybe he loves her.

i guess perhaps...in the weird unhealthy co-dependant way.....wouldnt know it to see them interact....she is constantly criticizing him and belittling him. oh well, he allows it, so maybe it feeds something within him also....both the way she behaves around him and her pack rat MO, is probably from her insecurities and major psychological issues....i think that makes her very controlling and hyper critical of anyone and everyone....i much prefer to interact with insecure, "needy" people...at least they are much more appreciative when you do things for them and they allow you to do things for them...whereas the insecure, "controlling," standoff-ish people wont allow you to do things for them and when you do what they "say" (either implied or overtly) they want you to do, you are then, in the end, crucified for doing or acting exactly what they wanted you to do or how they wanted or needed you to act.

whatever....its her problem and his...however, there will never be a time when i would or will allow her to live here, no matter her circumstances....i think women who have a close, loving relationship with their moms are extremely lucky....and i have been fortunate to have a few "adopted," moms that i really enjoy.

Nightowlhoot3 · Guru

My Turn wrote:

Nightowlhoot3 wrote:

Psych Lit wrote:

My Turn wrote:

the hardest part for me is the de-clutter aspect too....i have gotten really good at getting rid of "stuff"...
yeah i have a hard time with clutter too. one persons clutter is anothers treasure? ive followed that sage advice about putting things in boxes in attic or garage for 6 months and anything not missed gets tossed but the downfall for me is opening that box after 6 months and feeling joy at the things ive rediscovered. its a never ending battle im tellin ya.

I was on a roll, until my Mom came to spend the night last August, and never left. She wants to keep EVERYTHING. Every time I start to get rid of something, she'll say: "Oh! I want that, if you don't want it any more!" I literally have to SNEAK stuff out to the car, undercover, to take it up to Goodwill. It's doubly maddening for me, because I have a tendency to be a pack rat myself, and am fighting it, so the "just GET RID OF IT" was a very conscious thing on my part to begin with.

i cant imagine living with a pack rat.......(my mother doesnt live with me, and never, never, never will...)

she is a total pack rack but not just saving stuff like many people do....she definitely has some sort of mental situation about throwing stuff away...she will NOT. period. i hadnt been over her house in about three years...when yes, the house had A LOT of stuff everywhere.....but just in december, my gf and i took a road trip to my parent's to pick up christmas presents for my kids since they arent coming to visit till feb, and she refuses to pay postage to mail stuff...anyway, OMG!!! the house is horrendous...there is a narrow path from the door, down the hallway, to the dining room...there is a small area of the table that only has room for the two of them to eat...the living room, halls, sun porch, second bedroom, the shower in the second bedroom, all around the kitchen...EVERYWHERE...there is "stuff"...literally floor to ceiling!....it is nuts...! boxes full of newspapers, empty coffee cans, empty powder bottles, old envelopes, funiture, knick knacks, empty cartons that 12 pack sodas come in....omg...just everything! it is so bad, its like something you would see on dr. phil or something where the person has a true psychological condition....

Well? It is a "true psychological condition."

at least it was, i guess clean, no bugs, or smells or anything like that...but holy heck, i was feeling claustraphobic!...i had to get out of there....she tried really hard to have us stay longer..but there is no way i could....it was bad bad bad...

i used to ask her (before it was this bad) why do you save all this stuff....and her answer was "i might need it someday"....no one, imo, will ever need even a tiny smidge of what she has in that house...sad really...dont know how in the world my father can live there like that with her....

Maybe he loves her.

BoxDog · Guru

Psych Lit wrote:

BoxDog wrote:

Whoa, orange? Way I see it unless you're a Texas Longhorn or Syracuse Orangeman an orange living room is usually, a cry for help. ;) I'm kidding. It's all about what you like, what you want the room to give back to you.

may i share that this is the 4th time ive painted that room in 2 years? and im loving the orange, its exactly what i was wanting. originally it was off white which was totally boring and i painted it a shell pink because...well as owl mentioned...i think it was owl? that pink rooms make the occupants look...er...like theyve been walking in da morning dew...but pink bored the snot out of me too so i went with a gold next. it was supposed to me a mellow marigold kind of gold but it was strikingly bright and i felt like an aztec princess everytime i walked in the room so that had to go and then i tried a paler yellow over the gold which didnt do it and so orange it is. i have a beige sectional in that room. well its in that room now, i purchased it for my family room but tho its lovely enough looking its too soft for my comfort level so now its in the living room because its not the place i hand out for the most part except when i wanna use the eliptical in front of the tv. lol.

Has the laundry basket, coats on the elliptical boo-hoo behind your back "friend" been by to see the new orangeroom or barney bath?

.omg, shes seen the barney room but shes not seen the orange yet and prolly wont for awhile.. shes been on my mind all day since a mutual friend shared with me this morning that shes done something really dumb. i mean on the scale of one to ten this one is a 1400 dumb. so the gossip karma fairy came and bit her i guess. shes gotten herself into soooo much trouble. its really not a good thing. i feel really awful about what shes going thru but its something that everyone has been warning her about for years and years and those concerns have been brushed off. it amazes me that people can crash and burn in a huge way, dig themselves out, get their life back in a great place and then repeat the same behaviors that got them into trouble in the first place. were all human and we all do stupid stunts but really we ought to listen to our well meaning friends when they send out the alarms.

One thing to try is to paint crown molding the fancy and bold colors and bring accents with those colors toward the walls rather than taking the large colors from the wall and bringing them inward. I think that's where a room becomes overwhelming. I may be overthinking this. I'll refer back to the seven steps...
im thinking of doing the crown moldings in the orange room. what color do you think? white might make the room look shorter, is that possible? a shorter room? lol. im having an aphasic moment and cant think of the right word. but orange crown moldings? nah...mebbe a gold tone? that might work. its a martha paint... lol. i do so love ms martha. if you go to the valspar website you can load the paint color and plunk it into a variety of rooms. the color is baked squash i think. or burnished squash. ive tried playing with a few combos on there.

You shoulda seen my inner struggle as I broke free from gloss white to "egg shell". I think that was a defining moment in leaving that comfort zone we discuss so often. For me the white or egg shell walls adorned with photos of St. Lucian, Cuban, Urban American, Irish countryside, Meditteranean villages and all the big colors the photos show suffice in bringing fun and large colors into a room with little physical labor and next to no cost. Plus photos and pics move around, with little help. The crown moldings? Go egg shell. You won't regret it. Four times in two years? That's alot of painting in one room. Ever just consider a new throw rug or snazzy verticals?

Oh well, if you like the burnt orange enjoy the heck out of it! Sorry about your friend. That little type byte you gave off in regards to her just screams of tax evasion. Though that could easily be my guilty conscience.

My Turn · Senior Member

Nightowlhoot3 wrote:

Psych Lit wrote:

My Turn wrote:

the hardest part for me is the de-clutter aspect too....i have gotten really good at getting rid of "stuff"...
yeah i have a hard time with clutter too. one persons clutter is anothers treasure? ive followed that sage advice about putting things in boxes in attic or garage for 6 months and anything not missed gets tossed but the downfall for me is opening that box after 6 months and feeling joy at the things ive rediscovered. its a never ending battle im tellin ya.

I was on a roll, until my Mom came to spend the night last August, and never left. She wants to keep EVERYTHING. Every time I start to get rid of something, she'll say: "Oh! I want that, if you don't want it any more!" I literally have to SNEAK stuff out to the car, undercover, to take it up to Goodwill. It's doubly maddening for me, because I have a tendency to be a pack rat myself, and am fighting it, so the "just GET RID OF IT" was a very conscious thing on my part to begin with.

i cant imagine living with a pack rat.......(my mother doesnt live with me, and never, never, never will...) she is a total pack rack but not just saving stuff like many people do....she definitely has some sort of mental situation about throwing stuff away...she will NOT. period. i hadnt been over her house in about three years...when yes, the house had A LOT of stuff everywhere.....but just in december, my gf and i took a road trip to my parent's to pick up christmas presents for my kids since they arent coming to visit till feb, and she refuses to pay postage to mail stuff...anyway, OMG!!! the house is horrendous...there is a narrow path from the door, down the hallway, to the dining room...there is a small area of the table that only has room for the two of them to eat...the living room, halls, sun porch, second bedroom, the shower in the second bedroom, all around the kitchen...EVERYWHERE...there is "stuff"...literally floor to ceiling!....it is nuts...! boxes full of newspapers, empty coffee cans, empty powder bottles, old envelopes, funiture, knick knacks, empty cartons that 12 pack sodas come in....omg...just everything! it is so bad, its like something you would see on dr. phil or something where the person has a true psychological condition....at least it was, i guess clean, no bugs, or smells or anything like that...but holy heck, i was feeling claustraphobic!...i had to get out of there....she tried really hard to have us stay longer..but there is no way i could....it was bad bad bad...

i used to ask her (before it was this bad) why do you save all this stuff....and her answer was "i might need it someday"....no one, imo, will ever need even a tiny smidge of what she has in that house...sad really...dont know how in the world my father can live there like that with her.... disbelief

Psych Lit · Guru

Nightowlhoot3 wrote:

BoxDog wrote:

My coat rack scared the hell outta me. At least twice, three times a week I would get up in the night and head for the b-room or some water and see the shadowy outline of a coat and a hat. I finally put it outside. I couldn't pitch it. But I couldn't leave it outside, covered or not. I couldn't hang anything on it outside. So I brought it back in and hid it in the closet. Knowing how stupid it looks to put a coat rack in the closet I put it back in the hall with the coat and hat on it and deal with my little night frights as they happen.
lol on some level we are all 5 year olds on a windy dark night!

Psych Lit · Guru

Nightowlhoot3 wrote:

I was on a roll, until my Mom came to spend the night last August, and never left. She wants to keep EVERYTHING. Every time I start to get rid of something, she'll say: "Oh! I want that, if you don't want it any more!" I literally have to SNEAK stuff out to the car, undercover, to take it up to Goodwill. It's doubly maddening for me, because I have a tendency to be a pack rat myself, and am fighting it, so the "just GET RID OF IT" was a very conscious thing on my part to begin with.

lol. im giggling but i know that its not funny. iused to have to sneak my kids old clothes out of the house and theyd always bring them back in if they saw them. in my hall closet hangs a snowsuit that my oldest son wore when he was 3. i think ive thrown that out a dozen times and yet there it is. the things i cannot part with are books and gadgets. i prolly bring home 20 books a week and give away maybe 5. you can see the math here yanno?

Psych Lit · Guru

BoxDog wrote:

Whoa, orange? Way I see it unless you're a Texas Longhorn or Syracuse Orangeman an orange living room is usually, a cry for help. ;) I'm kidding. It's all about what you like, what you want the room to give back to you.

may i share that this is the 4th time ive painted that room in 2 years? and im loving the orange, its exactly what i was wanting. originally it was off white which was totally boring and i painted it a shell pink because...well as owl mentioned...i think it was owl? that pink rooms make the occupants look...er...like theyve been walking in da morning dew...but pink bored the snot out of me too so i went with a gold next. it was supposed to me a mellow marigold kind of gold but it was strikingly bright and i felt like an aztec princess everytime i walked in the room so that had to go and then i tried a paler yellow over the gold which didnt do it and so orange it is. i have a beige sectional in that room. well its in that room now, i purchased it for my family room but tho its lovely enough looking its too soft for my comfort level so now its in the living room because its not the place i hand out for the most part except when i wanna use the eliptical in front of the tv. lol.

Has the laundry basket, coats on the elliptical boo-hoo behind your back "friend" been by to see the new orangeroom or barney bath?

.omg, shes seen the barney room but shes not seen the orange yet and prolly wont for awhile.. shes been on my mind all day since a mutual friend shared with me this morning that shes done something really dumb. i mean on the scale of one to ten this one is a 1400 dumb. so the gossip karma fairy came and bit her i guess. shes gotten herself into soooo much trouble. its really not a good thing. i feel really awful about what shes going thru but its something that everyone has been warning her about for years and years and those concerns have been brushed off. it amazes me that people can crash and burn in a huge way, dig themselves out, get their life back in a great place and then repeat the same behaviors that got them into trouble in the first place. were all human and we all do stupid stunts but really we ought to listen to our well meaning friends when they send out the alarms.

One thing to try is to paint crown molding the fancy and bold colors and bring accents with those colors toward the walls rather than taking the large colors from the wall and bringing them inward. I think that's where a room becomes overwhelming. I may be overthinking this. I'll refer back to the seven steps...

im thinking of doing the crown moldings in the orange room. what color do you think? white might make the room look shorter, is that possible? a shorter room? lol. im having an aphasic moment and cant think of the right word. but orange crown moldings? nah...mebbe a gold tone? that might work. its a martha paint... lol. i do so love ms martha. if you go to the valspar website you can load the paint color and plunk it into a variety of rooms. the color is baked squash i think. or burnished squash. ive tried playing with a few combos on there.

Nightowlhoot3 · Guru

BoxDog wrote:

Nightowlhoot3 wrote:

Psych Lit wrote:

yes! and i dont think houses should look like museums but they shouldnt make you shudder either. ill admit to being a lil lax with housework since thanksgiving. i had a lot of guests over the holidays and its only been a little over a week since everyone left and well i havent cleaned yet. what id like is creative storage for stuff. id be much better with being neat if there was a place for things. and then it would be easier to keep things neat rather than cluttered. id heard thru the gossip grapevine that someone near and dear to me recently referred to my living room as my walk in closet. and truthfully when she visited over the holidays there were two baskets of laundry and various coats and sweaters hung over the gym equipment which id left out...sigh. now if i were creative i could think of a way to store the gym equip that wasnt a pain in the a ss to get back out and another for quick disposal of coats and sweaters that doesnt involve handing them in a closet but gets them out of view, yanno?

I'd keep the equipment, and lose the friend.

Get a coat rack. That said, I hate coat racks. They're (for me, anyway) forever falling over. But a few largish plastic hooks by the front door (on the hinged side) could own those sweaters and things easily, and if their being visible was "offensive" to some, you could get a tri-fold blind and stand it up in front of them a couple of feet out. The blinds could also conceal the exercise equipment -- relegating it to a separate "very small" room, when not in use, if it was all in one area.

My coat rack scared the hell outta me. At least twice, three times a week I would get up in the night and head for the b-room or some water and see the shadowy outline of a coat and a hat. I finally put it outside. I couldn't pitch it. But I couldn't leave it outside, covered or not. I couldn't hang anything on it outside. So I brought it back in and hid it in the closet. Knowing how stupid it looks to put a coat rack in the closet I put it back in the hall with the coat and hat on it and deal with my little night frights as they happen.

BoxDog · Guru

Psych Lit wrote:

Nightowlhoot3 wrote:

Psych Lit wrote:
i also suck at decorating tasks and left to my own proclivities i end up with a barney purple bathroom.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand that's a "bad" thing?

did i mention i painted the ceiling barney purple too? and that its glossy paint cause its the bathroom? it looks like the freaking bat cave. all i need is a candle with the bat symbol and ill be set.
last week i painted my living room orange. well its burnished squash color. thats what the pain chip says. im actually digging this color tho. my task this weekend is to get some free mandelas off of the net and create something colorful to look at. im thinking of going with these drapes tho i can be talked out of it if its too much. the carpet is teal well see if this posts.

Whoa, orange? Way I see it unless you're a Texas Longhorn or Syracuse Orangeman an orange living room is usually, a cry for help. ;) I'm kidding. It's all about what you like, what you want the room to give back to you. Has the laundry basket, coats on the elliptical boo-hoo behind your back "friend" been by to see the new orangeroom or barney bath? One thing to try is to paint crown molding the fancy and bold colors and bring accents with those colors toward the walls rather than taking the large colors from the wall and bringing them inward. I think that's where a room becomes overwhelming. I may be overthinking this. I'll refer back to the seven steps...

BoxDog · Guru

Nightowlhoot3 wrote:

Psych Lit wrote:

yes! and i dont think houses should look like museums but they shouldnt make you shudder either. ill admit to being a lil lax with housework since thanksgiving. i had a lot of guests over the holidays and its only been a little over a week since everyone left and well i havent cleaned yet. what id like is creative storage for stuff. id be much better with being neat if there was a place for things. and then it would be easier to keep things neat rather than cluttered. id heard thru the gossip grapevine that someone near and dear to me recently referred to my living room as my walk in closet. and truthfully when she visited over the holidays there were two baskets of laundry and various coats and sweaters hung over the gym equipment which id left out...sigh. now if i were creative i could think of a way to store the gym equip that wasnt a pain in the a ss to get back out and another for quick disposal of coats and sweaters that doesnt involve handing them in a closet but gets them out of view, yanno?

I'd keep the equipment, and lose the friend.

Get a coat rack. That said, I hate coat racks. They're (for me, anyway) forever falling over. But a few largish plastic hooks by the front door (on the hinged side) could own those sweaters and things easily, and if their being visible was "offensive" to some, you could get a tri-fold blind and stand it up in front of them a couple of feet out. The blinds could also conceal the exercise equipment -- relegating it to a separate "very small" room, when not in use, if it was all in one area.

My coat rack scared the hell outta me. At least twice, three times a week I would get up in the night and head for the b-room or some water and see the shadowy outline of a coat and a hat. I finally put it outside. I couldn't pitch it. But I couldn't leave it outside, covered or not. I couldn't hang anything on it outside. So I brought it back in and hid it in the closet. Knowing how stupid it looks to put a coat rack in the closet I put it back in the hall with the coat and hat on it and deal with my little night frights as they happen.

Nightowlhoot3 · Guru

Psych Lit wrote:

My Turn wrote:

the hardest part for me is the de-clutter aspect too....i have gotten really good at getting rid of "stuff"...
yeah i have a hard time with clutter too. one persons clutter is anothers treasure? ive followed that sage advice about putting things in boxes in attic or garage for 6 months and anything not missed gets tossed but the downfall for me is opening that box after 6 months and feeling joy at the things ive rediscovered. its a never ending battle im tellin ya.

I was on a roll, until my Mom came to spend the night last August, and never left. She wants to keep EVERYTHING. Every time I start to get rid of something, she'll say: "Oh! I want that, if you don't want it any more!" I literally have to SNEAK stuff out to the car, undercover, to take it up to Goodwill. It's doubly maddening for me, because I have a tendency to be a pack rat myself, and am fighting it, so the "just GET RID OF IT" was a very conscious thing on my part to begin with.

Psych Lit · Guru

My Turn wrote:

the hardest part for me is the de-clutter aspect too....i have gotten really good at getting rid of "stuff"...
yeah i have a hard time with clutter too. one persons clutter is anothers treasure? ive followed that sage advice about putting things in boxes in attic or garage for 6 months and anything not missed gets tossed but the downfall for me is opening that box after 6 months and feeling joy at the things ive rediscovered. its a never ending battle im tellin ya.

Psych Lit · Guru

Nightowlhoot3 wrote:

Get a coat rack. That said, I hate coat racks. They're (for me, anyway) forever falling over.

yep i used to have a coat tree and heavy winter coats used to knock it over and when that didnt happen galloping animals did the job.

But a few largish plastic hooks by the front door (on the hinged side) could own those sweaters and things easily, and if their being visible was "offensive" to some, you could get a tri-fold blind and stand it up in front of them a couple of feet out. The blinds could also conceal the exercise equipment -- relegating it to a separate "very small" room, when not in use, if it was all in one area.
id love to have a cabinet with hooks inside. i do have a foyer closet but its full of sports stuff that i use often and besides im too lazy to hang things up with a hanger! the gym stuff was in my spare bedroom which is now gf's kids bedroom for when they are here and i was worried about leaving them in the room with her. lil fingers can get pinched and big total gyms can fall on little heads so ive sort of spread the goodies around the house the ones that dont fit under beds are propped up against the wall. some of these things are heavy and bulky to move around. i like the screen idea for hiding them tho. i may do that!

Nightowlhoot3 · Guru

Psych Lit wrote:

yes! and i dont think houses should look like museums but they shouldnt make you shudder either. ill admit to being a lil lax with housework since thanksgiving. i had a lot of guests over the holidays and its only been a little over a week since everyone left and well i havent cleaned yet. what id like is creative storage for stuff. id be much better with being neat if there was a place for things. and then it would be easier to keep things neat rather than cluttered. id heard thru the gossip grapevine that someone near and dear to me recently referred to my living room as my walk in closet. and truthfully when she visited over the holidays there were two baskets of laundry and various coats and sweaters hung over the gym equipment which id left out...sigh. now if i were creative i could think of a way to store the gym equip that wasnt a pain in the a ss to get back out and another for quick disposal of coats and sweaters that doesnt involve handing them in a closet but gets them out of view, yanno?

I'd keep the equipment, and lose the friend.

Get a coat rack. That said, I hate coat racks. They're (for me, anyway) forever falling over. But a few largish plastic hooks by the front door (on the hinged side) could own those sweaters and things easily, and if their being visible was "offensive" to some, you could get a tri-fold blind and stand it up in front of them a couple of feet out. The blinds could also conceal the exercise equipment -- relegating it to a separate "very small" room, when not in use, if it was all in one area.

Nightowlhoot3 · Guru

Psych Lit wrote:

Nightowlhoot3 wrote:

MyCat8it wrote:

My room will never look like the one they are showing me. I'd much rather pay someone to come in, just do it, and be done with it. Whatever they come up with is going to be far more superior to any contributions I'd make to the conversation.

but .... but ...

NO one lives in those pictures in the magazines -- they throw a magazine on the coffee table to make you THINK people do, but it ain't so. So? You don't WANT that really, so you're lucky if your space doesn't turn out like the ones in the pictures.

For me, one of the most important requirements for a room decoration is that it looks like .... well, "me." That it looks like where I live. Where I live. Not a nice hotel where I'm staying for a couple of days.
yeah but youre artistic. i think theatre people make the best room designers. i think its being able to visualize and translate that vision to actuality. i can think it up i cant get it to look like the pictures in my head and therein lies the problem. barney purple in my head was a fab idea. i had an old peter max scarf and a couple of old album covers from the 60s both of which i matted and framed and the idea was to go with that theme in the guest bath. and purple was a color common to all. however bat cave is the result of that idea.

Paint is tricky. You can take a color sample from a magazine to the paint store and say "give me this" but when you go home and put it on your walls, you'll realize it's not the same color because of the lighting, both in the photograph and your home. I used to use paint samples a lot ...those little paper strips they have with the paint on them? I'd take several of the desired color home, and set them around the room in various arrangements -- groupings whenever possible -- to see what my light did to them.

If you have some left over paint, and it's too dark, try mixing it with some white paint, and throwing up another coat.

I have just the opposite problem from you in my bathroom: I painted the ceiling white, and (partly because it's such a small bathroom) it feels like a telephone booth. I also thought it would be "good" to have a pink bathroom -- for skin tones. Whatever. What I ended up with, in that light, is a Pepto Dismal shade of pink. Works GREAT in the kitchen -- nice, unobtrusive pink -- but WAY too intense in the bathroom. If I ever get four walls in the bathroom again, I'll probably paint the whole thing a tinted white, with more tint added to the ceiling to bring it down a little.

If you don't want to repaint the bathroom now, try using a different lightbulb in there -- maybe one more "white" or one of the "daylight" bulbs, which emulate real sun light, and see if that helps any. Might want to go with a higher wattage, too...

I'm betting your bathroom is not NEARLY as bad as you make it out to be. Dark colors in small spaces do tend to close them in a lot, though. Maybe if you threw up a few extra mirrors in there it would help. The other thing, of course, is you could just play around with the whole thing. It's YOUR bathroom, after all... If, at some point, you resign yourself to the notion of repainting, you might experiment first ... like maybe using the lighter white to paint huge "frames" around your artwork ... or leave the purple there AS frames around it. You can also pant the only the ceiling and the opposite wall white, and that will give you some instant relief. Really, though, if you have any of the purple left, tint white with it, and you might be quite happy with the result.

I think bathrooms are the most difficult spaces in the world to paint, really. I remember my college scenic designer painted his downstairs guest bath to look like a forest, with lots of skinny trees. Was ... terrible, IMO. :)

My Turn · Senior Member

Psych Lit wrote:

yes! and i dont think houses should look like museums but they shouldnt make you shudder either. ill admit to being a lil lax with housework since thanksgiving. i had a lot of guests over the holidays and its only been a little over a week since everyone left and well i havent cleaned yet. what id like is creative storage for stuff. id be much better with being neat if there was a place for things. and then it would be easier to keep things neat rather than cluttered. id heard thru the gossip grapevine that someone near and dear to me recently referred to my living room as my walk in closet. and truthfully when she visited over the holidays there were two baskets of laundry and various coats and sweaters hung over the gym equipment which id left out...sigh. now if i were creative i could think of a way to store the gym equip that wasnt a pain in the a ss to get back out and another for quick disposal of coats and sweaters that doesnt involve handing them in a closet but gets them out of view, yanno?

oh, dont get me wrong....i really dislike most indoor housework....doesnt mean i dont force my butt to do it...lol! cant really slack off on that being that there are six of us, plus a dog and two cats, living in approx. 1000 sq. ft house, gotta do lots of scubbing and vacuuming....otherwise it would get away from me very quickly. thank goodness everyone clears out during the day! the hardest part for me is the de-clutter aspect too....i have gotten really good at getting rid of "stuff"....the bedroom is the hardest for me cause it is my smallest room and clothes?...that is another issue....and having to clear out some dresser and closet space recently was a challenge....but, i made myself just bite the bullet and basically anything i havent considered or worn in a year went to the clothes charity. but really, it isnt all that bad...except for the shelves in my bedroom and a section of the kitchen counter, the clutter is pretty much kept at bay...heck, i can even park in my garage! i know very very few people who can do that! lol!!

my living room is very different, and a pretty bold wall color, and it was hard to work with since it is a very long rectangular shape....however, once i decided to create two separate square sections of the living room it definitely came together. the furniture, wall hangings and area rug were not planned and gotten here and there at various times, and somehow it really works....while it would never grace the pages of a magazine, it is warm, welcoming, comfortable......and definitely, uniquely me....i like it...and THAT is the important part! aww

Psych Lit · Guru

My Turn wrote:

NO wrote-->For me, one of the most important requirements for a room decoration is that it looks like .... well, "me." That it looks like where I live. Where I live. Not a nice hotel where I'm staying for a couple of days.

have to say that i totally agree with this...i have been in peoples homes that look like they are from a magazine....and i just dont feel comfortable...i love to be able kick back, relax and have fun while visiting...not stiffly sitting on the couch worried i might touch something or mess something up....i love to go into peoples houses that are "uniquely" thiers....
________________________________

yes! and i dont think houses should look like museums but they shouldnt make you shudder either. ill admit to being a lil lax with housework since thanksgiving. i had a lot of guests over the holidays and its only been a little over a week since everyone left and well i havent cleaned yet. what id like is creative storage for stuff. id be much better with being neat if there was a place for things. and then it would be easier to keep things neat rather than cluttered. id heard thru the gossip grapevine that someone near and dear to me recently referred to my living room as my walk in closet. and truthfully when she visited over the holidays there were two baskets of laundry and various coats and sweaters hung over the gym equipment which id left out...sigh. now if i were creative i could think of a way to store the gym equip that wasnt a pain in the a ss to get back out and another for quick disposal of coats and sweaters that doesnt involve handing them in a closet but gets them out of view, yanno?

Psych Lit · Guru

Nightowlhoot3 wrote:

MyCat8it wrote:

My room will never look like the one they are showing me. I'd much rather pay someone to come in, just do it, and be done with it. Whatever they come up with is going to be far more superior to any contributions I'd make to the conversation.

but .... but ...

NO one lives in those pictures in the magazines -- they throw a magazine on the coffee table to make you THINK people do, but it ain't so. So? You don't WANT that really, so you're lucky if your space doesn't turn out like the ones in the pictures.

For me, one of the most important requirements for a room decoration is that it looks like .... well, "me." That it looks like where I live. Where I live. Not a nice hotel where I'm staying for a couple of days.
yeah but youre artistic. i think theatre people make the best room designers. i think its being able to visualize and translate that vision to actuality. i can think it up i cant get it to look like the pictures in my head and therein lies the problem. barney purple in my head was a fab idea. i had an old peter max scarf and a couple of old album covers from the 60s both of which i matted and framed and the idea was to go with that theme in the guest bath. and purple was a color common to all. however bat cave is the result of that idea.

-- Edited by Nightowlhoot3 at 14:47, 2009-01-28

Psych Lit · Guru

Nightowlhoot3 wrote:

Psych Lit wrote:
i also suck at decorating tasks and left to my own proclivities i end up with a barney purple bathroom.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand that's a "bad" thing?

did i mention i painted the ceiling barney purple too? and that its glossy paint cause its the bathroom? it looks like the freaking bat cave. all i need is a candle with the bat symbol and ill be set.
last week i painted my living room orange. well its burnished squash color. thats what the pain chip says. im actually digging this color tho. my task this weekend is to get some free mandelas off of the net and create something colorful to look at. im thinking of going with these drapes tho i can be talked out of it if its too much. the carpet is teal well see if this posts.

Psych Lit · Guru

MyCat8it wrote:

Psych Lit wrote:

OMG...me too! Well, I used to be. It was so I couldn't drive around town with the windows open in the spring. If someone was cutting grass, I started into a sneezing fit. There must be a different kind of grass here in Florida, because when I moved here, the sneezing stopped. I totally forgot about that.

oh hell yeah i dont know maybe the grass up here is related to stinging nettle or something but as soon as those clippings hit the air im done.

Not only do I suck at decorating, I don't even enjoy doing it. Probably because I know it will end up looking terrible. My sister has often taken pity on me and just showed up and moved stuff around.

and thats a talent. ive got the utilitarian thing going on too. i plunk stuff in logical places and never move them. and yet when people have come and moved things around for me im amazed at what a lil creativity can do. i figger its a good week when the dust bunnies havent morphed into tumble weeds.

And like the article suggests, be part of the economic solution. We're all struggling right now, but if we help each other, it has to get better.

yes and thats an important aspect of this. it does create jobs and good paying ones too. 20 bucks an hour is a decent wage and limited only by the number of hours someone wishes to work. tho itd be better if there were some health ins to go with it!

LOL...I won't even go to the store for the "free" designer services. That just bores the daylights out of me. My room will never look like the one they are showing me. I'd much rather pay someone to come in, just do it, and be done with it. Whatever they come up with is going to be far more superior to any contributions I'd make to the conversation.

thats the best option because they can get a sense of who you are and work with it. the design services work well when youre strolling thru lowes with a barney purple can of paint. this is when you ask, why didnt anyone stop me?

My Turn · Senior Member

NO wrote-->For me, one of the most important requirements for a room decoration is that it looks like .... well, "me." That it looks like where I live. Where I live. Not a nice hotel where I'm staying for a couple of days.

have to say that i totally agree with this...i have been in peoples homes that look like they are from a magazine....and i just dont feel comfortable...i love to be able kick back, relax and have fun while visiting...not stiffly sitting on the couch worried i might touch something or mess something up....i love to go into peoples houses that are "uniquely" thiers....
________________________________

I like yard work -- can't stand housework.
Don't believe me? Stop by my house sometime. LOL.

lol....yup, have to second this one....BOTH sentences!!!

Nightowlhoot3 · Guru

MyCat8it wrote:

My room will never look like the one they are showing me. I'd much rather pay someone to come in, just do it, and be done with it. Whatever they come up with is going to be far more superior to any contributions I'd make to the conversation.

but .... but ...

NO one lives in those pictures in the magazines -- they throw a magazine on the coffee table to make you THINK people do, but it ain't so. So? You don't WANT that really, so you're lucky if your space doesn't turn out like the ones in the pictures.

For me, one of the most important requirements for a room decoration is that it looks like .... well, "me." That it looks like where I live. Where I live. Not a nice hotel where I'm staying for a couple of days.

IMO, pictures are nice as far as idea sparkers, but only really valuable if they're used as springboards towards making a place more personalized for YOU.

Besides -- the fun is in the doing! smile

Okay, that's unfair, I know. Should have said: "The fun for me is in the doing." It really is, though. I mean I do that same "mentally clock out" thing I do when I'm chasing the perfect photograph when I'm doing "hands on" decorating. Not so much as clocking out entirely, but rather zooming in on only the project at hand, and not letting other things creep into my thoughts. It's a creative outlet for me, and the cool thing about decorating is that it doesn't MATTER if you want to keep working and working on something, whereas in a lot of other areas, people are eager for you to just do it, finish, and move on, to something else.

I like yard work -- can't stand housework.
Don't believe me? Stop by my house sometime. LOL.

-- Edited by Nightowlhoot3 at 14:47, 2009-01-28

Nightowlhoot3 · Guru

Psych Lit wrote:
i also suck at decorating tasks and left to my own proclivities i end up with a barney purple bathroom.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand that's a "bad" thing?

MyCat8it · Senior Member

Psych Lit wrote:

ok a more serious answer. depends upon the job. personally i hate housework and yard work. im allergic to newly cut grass and i mow and wheeze till its done and then sit breathing into a paper bag til i can stop hyperventilating. lol.

OMG...me too! Well, I used to be. It was so I couldn't drive around town with the windows open in the spring. If someone was cutting grass, I started into a sneezing fit. There must be a different kind of grass here in Florida, because when I moved here, the sneezing stopped. I totally forgot about that.

but i spend a good 10-15 hours a week doing those chores and not liking them. i also suck at decorating tasks and left to my own proclivities i end up with a barney purple bathroom.

Not only do I suck at decorating, I don't even enjoy doing it. Probably because I know it will end up looking terrible. My sister has often taken pity on me and just showed up and moved stuff around.

so a housekeeper charges what? 20 bucks an hour and 20 dollars a shot can buy the time of a person with a plow and a shovel and designers are usually free services at most decorating stores so id be wise to make use of them. so, i make more than 20 dollars an hour so it would make sense to pay others to do these things. what stops me? im too flippin frugal and thats where the thinking has to change.

And like the article suggests, be part of the economic solution. We're all struggling right now, but if we help each other, it has to get better.

LOL...I won't even go to the store for the "free" designer services. That just bores the daylights out of me. My room will never look like the one they are showing me. I'd much rather pay someone to come in, just do it, and be done with it. Whatever they come up with is going to be far more superior to any contributions I'd make to the conversation.

Psych Lit · Guru

My Turn wrote:

nice article. one thing i was thinking tho, was the cost/benefit ratio....i mean, as far as delegating, then sure, if you can delegate a non critical aspect of your job to another employee, thereby freeing you up to do the more involved tasks or a task for which the other employee is not qualified then one should go for it. however, with things around the home, is it really gonna free up money earning hours...or is it gonna free up leisure time? for me, even if i had the extra money, i personally enjoy cutting the grass or doing my own home repair projects. yes, if i hired someone to do it, it would free up some leisure time, but i do enjoy these activities....so for me the cost/benefit ratio is not there. will, in your example, hiring someone to shovel snow, actually free up more working hours and allow you to earn more money....and it that what you want to do with those freed up hours????

snow? i can think of 1 million things i would rather do than shovel the flippin snow. oh and btw its snowing here. 10 inches followed by ice on the horizon. arggh! th up side of this is that tomorrow will prolly be a snow day. thats a yay. the boo is that the power will prolly go out any moment now. its been sputtering for an hour or so already.

ok a more serious answer. depends upon the job. personally i hate housework and yard work. im allergic to newly cut grass and i mow and wheeze till its done and then sit breathing into a paper bag til i can stop hyperventilating. lol. but i spend a good 10-15 hours a week doing those chores and not liking them. i also suck at decorating tasks and left to my own proclivities i end up with a barney purple bathroom. so a housekeeper charges what? 20 bucks an hour and 20 dollars a shot can buy the time of a person with a plow and a shovel and designers are usually free services at most decorating stores so id be wise to make use of them. so, i make more than 20 dollars an hour so it would make sense to pay others to do these things. what stops me? im too flippin frugal and thats where the thinking has to change.

that said i have a few jobs and some i dont want to spend more time doing. to do so would tend toward burnout on misery but there are some jobs that i do that i wish i had more time to do or to expand on the limits. i love teaching for example and yet ive done less and less of this in recent years mostly because it doesnt pay all that much and ive focused my energy on things that do but it does pay more than id pay for a housekeeper or a landscaping service to do the yard maintainence so thats one area i could expand upon. or i could create a course at the local adult education program and get paid for that and those possibilities are endless. for instance i could do a guided tour of some european city or fiji or bali or some other place that im drooling to visit. do some prep work set up a class on the history of the place, the sights we'd see and the importance of same, the culture, the food and have that culminate in a trip to said country. if youre the tour guide generally speaking the trip is free. i could use some bali right now but instead ill be shoveling in the morning:) i could also spend that time writing and getting paid for that. and i have a couple of internet projects that ive been working on but havent completed because of time constraints. i dont know if those would pay off but heck they wont if i never finish them. so yeah those are all good things to consider instead of the grunt work.
but if i liked things like shoveling or cleaning, which is like your liking yard work and small repairs then no, i wouldnt replace those tasks. id replace the things that i either didnt like or didnt do well and keep on doing the ones i enjoyed.
as for would you rather work than do them. ive cut way down on work this year. ive been focusing my energy on those tasks that pay well so that i have more free time for fun but theres an old saying and its something like if you love your job youll never work a day in your life. so there are some things that i could be paid for that would fall into that category and of course the opposite of this is if you dont love your job then why are ya still doing it? i saw this interesting job quiz on my sign in page today. ill see if i can retrieve it and post it.

My Turn · Senior Member

nice article. one thing i was thinking tho, was the cost/benefit ratio....i mean, as far as delegating, then sure, if you can delegate a non critical aspect of your job to another employee, thereby freeing you up to do the more involved tasks or a task for which the other employee is not qualified then one should go for it. however, with things around the home, is it really gonna free up money earning hours...or is it gonna free up leisure time? for me, even if i had the extra money, i personally enjoy cutting the grass or doing my own home repair projects. yes, if i hired someone to do it, it would free up some leisure time, but i do enjoy these activities....so for me the cost/benefit ratio is not there. will, in your example, hiring someone to shovel snow, actually free up more working hours and allow you to earn more money....and it that what you want to do with those freed up hours????

Psych Lit · Guru

well...i am down with 5 out of 7 of these signs. i wish i could free up more time, im worried about the economy, i procrastinate doing the things i find unpleasant or tedious and when it comes to delegating? ive got a bit of work to do there. i mean really, how true are those i can do it faster or better myself and by the time i explain what i want i could be done things?

i think it was charles givens who once said dont do any task yourself if you could hire someone to do it for less than you make. im thinking theres sense in that but im also thinking you get what you pay for. i could hire someone to come and shovel my snow a few times a week and that would i suppose free me to work more hours but its that initial output of money that seems to be the clincher here. it snows three times a week. i could hire someone to shovel and id have to pay as i go with them but wait to be paid for the work i do... seems to be a glitch in that thinking there. lol

7 signs It's Time to Hire Someone

by Christine Kane

I remember the first time I hired someone to mow my lawn for the summer. I was a tried-and-true D.I.Y. gal. I prided myself on it.

The only problem was that I freakin' couldn't stand mowing the lawn. I'd dread it all week. And even though I was happy once it was done, I started dreading it again the very next day!

At that time, I was studying several financial and business books. I began seeing my songs as my assets. I realized that the simple act of writing a song like "No Such Thing as Girls Like That" could pay me - in the long run - WAY more than the money I saved by mowing my lawn.

In other words, I learned how to value my work in the world. I learned how to act on that value. It was scary for sure. (The voices in my head shrieked at me to just bite the bullet and do my own lawn!) But that one act taught me so much about success and the value of my time.

These days I've taken it to a much bigger level, and I have a small team working for me.

Now that I'm coaching people, I gently teach them these new ways of valuing their time as they expand into more success in their own lives.

Here are 7 signs that it might be time for you to hire some help...

1 - You don't have enough time to do the thing you're best at.

What are you good at? What do you want to be good at? How much time do you actually spend doing that thing? If you're running around getting menial tasks done - and you have no time to pursue your passion, or engage in your high-pay-off, high-delight activities, then ask yourself why.

Even if you let go of one item (like shoveling the snow) you're telling the Universe the value of your time. (And you know what? The Universe always says Yes.)

2 - You resent people who don't struggle.

This is a big one.

If you hold resentment for people who live life with joy and ease, this could be telling you that you are waiting for rescue. That just leads to more struggle.

Only YOU are in charge of whether or not you struggle. Rescue yourself and learn what true empowerment feels like.

3 - You're worried about the economy

Waiting for the economy to get better before you'll hire someone? Why not become a part of the solution and use your money to improve the economy?

While everyone else is pulling back and firing people - you can experience what it's like to be the change you wish to see in the world!

4 - You think that no one can do it as good as you.

If you just shouted "Amen Sister!" - then please step away from your computer. Go to the bathroom mirror. Look into that mirror and say the following aloud:

"I have a bit of a control issue."

The belief that no one can do it better than you serves only to keep you in the role of the Martyr. Unless you are, say, a brain surgeon, then there are many people who can (and will) do it as good as you.

5 - You're not playing to win. You're playing not to lose.

Ask any coach or athlete about this.

When you play to not lose, all you're doing is surviving, relying on yourself and hoping no one notices you.

When you play to win - you take risks, you keep your mental attitude strong, you rely on the team, you look for the goal. Decide that you want to play to win.

6 - You've used this phrase at least once in the past week: "By the time I show someone how to do it, I could just do it myself."

This is a classic phrase of someone who refuses to succeed. It's the mantra of the struggle-addict.

Learning how to delegate is empowering. Not just for you, but for others as well. Besides, when you show them how to do it once, they can keep on doing it so you don't have to!

7 - You dread certain things so much that they don't get done.

It's okay to not enjoy aspects of your work or your life. (Most musicians don't like doing their own newsletter, for instance.) This is the exact thing you can hire someone to do.

What items do you dread? No matter what they are, when you get them off your plate, you'll experience more energy just knowing they're getting done - and you don't have to worry about them anymore!

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Performer, songwriter, and creativity consultant Christine Kane publishes her 'LiveCreative' weekly ezine with more than 4,000 subscribers. If you want to be the artist of your life and create authentic and lasting success, you can sign up for a FRE*E subscription to LiveCreative at www.christinekane.com.