What would you do... if your adult daughter was deeply in love with, and contemplating marriage to, a very nice, and in all apparent respects, "perfect" guy who set off every "gay-dar" siren in your body?
i agree with much of what both cat and bd said. id talk to my daughter and ask if shed considered the possibility. i remember one of my then teen daughters having a big crush on clay aiken and mooning over him and saying to her, you know hes gay, right? she was not happy with me then but recently she saw his coming out tale on the cover of people mag and said omg you were right.
like bd said, id prolly find a way to bring up situations like the mcgreevys over dinner one night with both of them present since people usually have a better time hearing this kind of stuff if its not directed at them personally. but also as cat said, he may not be or he may not be aware of it, especially if hes young and if its the latter that can be tricky stuff. in my last career i worked with quite a few young men who also set my gaydar on fire but they said they were straight and were ok with the assumption not at all defensive but did correct my assumptions. ive also known several women who set off my gaydar who said they werent and had a similar non defensive reaction so obviously others had brought it up to them too, they had digested the info and decided not. i dont think even if the gaydar goes a pinging, that you can't always tell by looking. the other thing too is that he may be gay or bisexual and they both may be aware of and ok with it.
What would you do... if your adult daughter was deeply in love with, and contemplating marriage to, a very nice, and in all apparent respects, "perfect" guy who set off every "gay-dar" siren in your body?
There is no explaining the laws of attraction, and with any love there's only so far a mother, or parent or friend can protect their loved one. We cut the cord, no matter whos heart is involved and always hope for the best. A cheaters a cheater. Whether they lie about possible repressed sexual issues or not. To me that's merely incidental. It's the one with the gaydar glow whos responsibility it is to bear. Not the mother of the bride to be, or anyone else. Hopefully, when these things do "pan out" true, they are realized shortly after the "marriage", and not twenty years after that adoring unsuspecting (sic) partner has put a great portion of their life into the committment and all that comes along with it.
Now, there is a plan "B" here.
The following suggested reading as a "congratulations on your engagement gift". I realize it's a serious matter, but what will be, will not be changed before it happens. Not, that is, by anyone other than the two people in the relationship.
What would you do... if your adult daughter was deeply in love with, and contemplating marriage to, a very nice, and in all apparent respects, "perfect" guy who set off every "gay-dar" siren in your body?
Hmmm. Good question. Of course this would never happen to my daughter, she's already married to another very gay woman.
However, I'd have to point it out to her who is overlooking the obvious. Perhaps she doesn't see it. Perhaps, he doesn't event know it. I'm one of those people who is cursed with the ability to say anything to anyone. I'd first approach her to give her a new set of eyes. Then, I'd approach him to offer food for thought.
If after that, they are both convinced he's a beer can smashing, grunting, hetero man, then I'd step off, give 'em a huge hug, and wish them all the best.
What would you do... if your adult daughter was deeply in love with, and contemplating marriage to, a very nice, and in all apparent respects, "perfect" guy who set off every "gay-dar" siren in your body?
